The Library

Creating memories can be as simple as a walk on the pier at sunset, to a trip to Ireland in the Summer.  Memories are like everything else in life; there is no limit on the amount you can spend, but the price tag doesn't make it more or less memorable.

My time with my children though profoundly long one day, can be profoundly short when you look back at it.  My son is about to turn four, and I can remember like yesterday his birth; it is scary to think how soon he will be going to college.  Yet the harder I try to think of things to do with my children in order to create another family moment the harder it is.  It is sort of like falling in love, if you are looking for it, the harder it hides.  

Even with events like Disneyland or a Dodger game, the downside to going there a lot minimizes the impact and it becomes just like everything else...normal.  That is to say it is not like normal is wrong, or even bad, but having keepsake moments with your children and wife shouldn't always feel pedestrian.  I find I can got caught in the trap though of trying to hard, swinging for the fences and looking past ideas I may have, because they are mundane.  

As a young child, maybe eight years old, I had one of my fondest childhood memories of family.  It wasn't Disneyland, or the circus, or even a Laker game, though all those memories are great, it was playing cards.  I "shot the moon" for the first time in a game of Hearts with my family, my dad gave me twenty dollars (a family tradition for the first time you shoot the moon), and the very next hand I said I was doing it again, and he bet me another twenty dollars I couldn't.  Bam! I shot it again.  Now obviously forty dollars to a young child is an extra-ordinary moment in life, but it all started with a simple game of cards, and until I busted my dad, a free game of cards.  We played cards a lot as a family, but this unique moment in my life stands out for good reason, and my parents never set out that Saturday afternoon to do anything particularly profound, just spend some time together.

I awoke from a long day at work the night before, I work nights, around 1:30 in the afternoon, my boys were playing and my daughter was sleeping.  I showered and ate and took my boys to the library.  We had some books that were due soon, and I figured they could use a change anyways.  We spent an hour there just grabbing any book that spoke to their fancy, it was like toy shopping without having to pay.  We got home and read books outside on a blanket just a quiet afternoon as a family.

My wife and I are hitting a new renaissance with all our children, reading is becoming such a wonderful bonding experience.  The last few nights I haven't had to work I have sat in my son's bed and my wife in our younger son's bed, and I read a chapter book out loud.  Sean isn't as interested yet, but he's very young, he sings and cuddles and talks with my wife as I read another chapter.  Drew even fell asleep as I was reading; this was a truly special fatherhood memory for me. 

Three weeks ago when initially went to the library I never thought the simple task of checking out books to read could possible bless me with such a special time with my boys.  Tonight I learned a lot about being a dad; the simple moments can have some of the greatest rewards.

Cardboard

The old parenting joke about kids and Christmas is that when you have a baby, 3-12 months or so, they really only like the wrapping paper and boxes, the toys are just mildly interesting.

I think it is odd how we forget certain things about raising children as our kids get older.  I sometimes go days or even a week without sitting down to read to my kids, but never did that when Drew was younger.  I turn to the TV more and encourage creative play less, though I am confident that this has more to do with my energy level reducing as I have more kids and I need a break.  I even just want to do nothing outside and hope that my kids will entertain themselves outside and not make me "work" with them.  By no means is this common, going back to an old post the 80/20 rule I think mostly applies, but parenting has a funny way of breaking you down one minute, and building you up the next.

My wife in one of her many moments of brilliance took the kids outside on a gorgeous day, the result was an imaginative play jackpot.  A cardboard box, duct tape and a pair of scissors and Drew became a knight, the real funny part is that Sean wasn't really interested in his own sword and shield.

Drew is four and his propensity towards the imaginative is life giving to me.  Both he and his brother regularly make up stories and pretend play, dress up, run after made up bad guys, and are capable of playing in a world that is as fantastic as they wish.  I like to think there was a time I did just that, and if my memory of childhood serves I did have some epic Lego and army men battles.  As a parent I like to join them in that world, and regularly make believe with them I am a giant, or a super hero, or even just the "police man" and they pretend to be the super heroes bringing me the bad guys.

Lately though I've been back to work, and working a lot, and my desire to do anything is short lived as I am off to work (night shift) and when I get home I sleep till mid afternoon.  But I managed hit the jackpot, again, outside with my son the other day.  Drew asked for some armor and a helmet to compliment his sword and shield he made.  He grabbed a box and the tape, and I managed to find some scissors, 20 minutes later we were able to sit down and make his helmet and armor to go with his sword and shield.  He was so proud of his new found armor, and I was as proud as ever since I have a boy who will dive head first into his imagination to entertain himself.

My Knight.

As a parent in a consumerist society it is too easy at times to fool yourself into thinking that children have changed.  When more than likely it is not the kids who changed at all, but rather us.  We can't imagine a time without certain things, but our children are only exposed to things, early on, that we expose them to. Even as they grow we are still the major gate keeper to much of their influences.  While now you can purchase compressed foam Nerf shields and swords, I don't think Drew would have had more fun than we did the other afternoon.  If anything he would have used far less of his brain in that play time; and I wouldn't have that moment with Drew.  It sort of goes back to my thoughts I have had over and over that my kids don't care about many "things" deep down, but more likely they want time and interaction with me and my wife instead. Unfortunately I manage to get sucked into the "thing" parenting instead of the "time" parenting.  I fall into trying to give items to my kids, and they would have been just as happy with a cardboard cutout and a half hour with me.

The Bulb Syringe

I am a lousy sick person, I mope do very little that would actually make me feel better and ultimately I think I just complain.  I am relatively lucky since I rarely get sick like that.  To date my own children have remained basically normal kids who get sick only every so often and fortunately not too severely.

Sean, my middle child, recently came down with a flu, and then the cold to end all colds.  He is miserable, and when he was running a fever refused to take any medicine; he is now big enough that he can effectively stage a protest.  I don't remember many "liquid" medicines when I was a child but the few I do remember were either basically sugar, or heinous, and I didn't much like any of them.  I did get St. Josephs chew-able aspirin which was great, and I never minded taking that.  As if his flu was not enough he has a stuffed up nose.

Now I am not too sure when a child "learns" to blow their nose, but for whatever reason Sean isn't to into the nose blowing exercise.  This is not a problem 99 times out of a 100 if your nose actually runs, but when his congestion recently got so bad that he would wake up 5 or 6 times a night it was a big problem.   My wife and I got to earn the title "parent."  Which should actually mean we do mean stuff to our kids so they hate us but it is the right thing to do; which is a rather crappy job.  I went to the baby box and pulled out the bulb syringe to clear up his nose, and man I felt like a terrible person.  I finished clearing up his nose and he shrieked in protest "Why? Why?" in a tone not heard since the tragic Nancy Kerrigan attack, and proceeded to break our hearts.

When all was said and done we had nose that was significantly less stuffed up and a child sobbing on Mama's shoulder who wanted no part of Daddy...awesome.  So for two days I got to do this 3 times a night and have my toddler hate me.

A week or so later things are better, he is healthy, Drew is sick, but thank God he can blow his nose.  The nose clearing made a mark with Sean though.  I went to wipe his nose yesterday and he was fine with it but stated he didn't want his nose "cleaned."  We even caught him a few times trying to hide the bulb syringe.

On the list of parenting things you have to do that are unpleasant at best I am sure this will end up falling pretty low, but it no less made a distinct impression on my duties as a parent.  This will go down as a great metaphor for who knows how many years for me; Being a parent is fun bonding moments mixed with righteous heartbreak.