Names For The People We Love - Fathers Day 2011

My "Boo Boo"

As my boys have grown, their desire, like most children, to be "big" has started to show.  A defining moment for Drew as he became potty trained was to wear "big boy" underpants, and he was a "big boy" for using the potty.  Even Sean got in on this as he was younger and not yet potty trained would say "I'm little, I use diapers."

Sean has now been potty trained for nearly 4 months and it is a bad thing to tell him that he is a little guy, or one of his old terms of endearment "baby bear" to which he would reply, "I'm a big boy, not a baby."  Sean and Drew are insistent now that they are "Big" and Eva is a "baby".  Given Eva has yet to really formulate any displeasure in hearing that, I just roll with it.

My kids all have their terms of endearment I have given them.  Drew is Booga Bear, Booga or Roo Roo.   Sean was Baby Bear, Awny, or Sean Sean.  Eva is now Baby Bear, Boo Boo, Mamita, or Evita.  My kids all respond with usual warm responses, and I think deep down they can feel the love I have for them in the names they only hear from my wife and I.  Likewise I adore hearing, Daddy, Dada and Dad, but my kids have yet to adopt any real name or names for my wife and I.

Pop, was something I heard from a good friend as I lived with his family for a few summers.  After hearing it week after week I decided it was a name that I wanted for my dad.  So in my second or third year of college I began calling my dad "Pop."  After he heard this for a few weeks, my dad, while walking with me to get breakfast, explained that "Pops" is a disrespectful way kids used to make fun of adults like calling them an old fogey."  I told my dad it was my attempt at a term of endearment, and disrespect was the farthest thing from my thought process, he said he thought so and understood, but I think in his gut he wasn't sold on the name.  I think I occasionally use it, but I find with my kids around I call him Grandpa, or Grandpa Ted a lot more.

When I get home in the morning from a long night at work, I walk in the door and am serenaded with Daddy, Dada, and Dad from the kids.  My daughter has shown a wonderful attachment to me and she runs with extra gusto as I get home and I adore hearing her "Dada! Dada! Dada!"  As I hear her pitter patter across the house as she makes her way to me.  One morning a few weeks ago she stood off in the living room or dining room and I could hear her making a bee line towards me as I hung my keys up, her brothers were already giving me hugs, but she made her best Walter Payton impression and stiff armed Sean to the ground and she ran to me and asked "Up?!"

This reception warms my heart, and my longing to hear the chorus of welcomes never falters.  Just the other day my son Drew gave me my first term of endearment.  I brushed my teeth and got ready for bed, he had just woken up and I was about to lay down.  I picked up the "Roo Roo" and went to my bed to cuddle with him for a few minutes before I went to sleep.  I talked with him about his night and he asked me about my work.  I rubbed his back and told him I loved him, he lay so still as I had a quiet moment with my boy, I gave him a big hug and told him I loved him and said "You are my big boy", he closed his eyes tight as I hugged him and said "you are my Big Daddy."

View Fathers Day 2010

What "I" want

The wonderful part of dating my now spouse was the interest we shared in each of our dreams.  I was overjoyed when I got my first job and she was equally as enthused.  We spoke of our futures, our family, our kids and our dreams regularly.  Even when we were married we spoke about the future and our dreams with equal enthusiasm.

My first child Drew was born 18 months into our marriage, the desire to learn about our changing spouse never faded, but much of the time did.  By our third anniversary our second child Sean was born, and any time we had was gone.  In many regards by the time Eva was born 3 years after our first was born nothing had changed, we went from busy to....busy.

In the four and a half years since Drew graced our lives many of our dreams have remained the same in my head.  My wife and I have not stopped dreaming, or planning for our future or making goals.  We have achieved many; a career change, starting a family, continuing to date one another, and keeping an active faith.  I realize now how silly I was to think that my wife's goals for her career and family would remain the same as they were nearly 5 years ago, but as we talked a little bit ago I realized that I had essentially frozen her goals in time and assumed in 5 years they hadn't changed...and I was wrong about them.

At that moment I realized a date was needed where all we talked about was our individual goals for ourself, our marriage and our family.  Had we even talked about it from our individual perspective so the other person could hear our goals yet and see if we could incorporate our individual ideas?  To date I don't think we have spent any legitimate time doing that.  So a plan at that exact moment was created, a date in a week, conversation for the night; Goals for yourself, our marriage and our family; time frame 1 year, 5 years and 10 years.

I proceeded to spend a solid week thinking about what "I" wanted.  With the exception of my actual career, and even then with limits, considering what "I" want has not been a big thought for me.  This was not easy for me, and when I finally did finish thinking about it I was almost afraid to say it all.  The vast majority of my thoughts about the future where pedestrian and not far off the grid, but as I examined where I wanted our lives to be in 10 years I realized that I was really having a hard time thinking of me.  While this isn't bad the fact I think of my family and my wife first, it brought up something I heard from an Aunt some years back.  She was speaking about kids, parents and raising kids and she said, and I am summarizing, that your job is not to achieve your dreams for your children, but rather give them the tools to achieve them and you should still pursue your own dreams.  I started thinking, did I stop dreaming when I had kids?

It occurred to me that my faith played a huge role in my career change, probably a central consideration, and that being the case what did that mean for my dreams.  I had already achieved a major dream, discovering my vocation more completely, I married the love of my life, and I have a wonderful family.  I almost felt that I would greedy if I wanted more.  In the end I have achieved more for "me" than most people can hope for.

In the end I did discover a goal for what "I" want.  Once again I found it revolved around my faith and following where I feel God is calling me to go, and it was a long term goal.  As with many things you do when following a vocation it was bit scary/challenging, but I was excited that I was once again able to listen to my calling.

Our date was awesome, and I could not have hoped for a better time with my wife.  We "re"discovered what each of us was hoping for.   I love being able to really delve into all that my wife and I are planning for our families our marriage and each other.  It makes the road of life exciting to be on, and gives a chance to look forward to adventures further down the path.