The Wedding Ring

Our Wedding Rings Circa 2005

I don't always wear my wedding ring.  In fact I forget to put it on all the time, after the shower, after cooking, or after I put hair gel in.  I might go a day or more without it, though more than that is rare.  Many guys at my work claim safety issues with wearing a ring, and thus don't wear theirs.  But I am proud to be married, my ring is a symbol for others, not just me, that marriage is not only something to be proud of, but something to show others can be positive.  

I don't rag on married life in front of others to be part of the "in-crowd" and if I do talk about marriage I try to be as honest as I can about it, witnessing to the 360 degree view of marriage rather than focusing on mainly the negative or only the positive.  I want people to know that it is possible to be happily married and  my ring is one way I do that.

One gorgeous day my wife and I drove to the Jewelry exchange in Tustin and picked out my ring, a simple hammered white gold band, nothing fancy.  As I recall it didn't cost more than $300 or $400.  We never got our rings engraved, her rings were too thin, and it just didn't seem like something that was important to do, the ring was the symbol, and to be honest I don't think we ever thought to do it.  As my wife slid my wedding ring on my finger on our wedding day she said "Andrew, take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit."  And like that the first and only piece of jewelry I have ever had entered my life.

Since our wedding we have attended many weddings, all different, all beautiful in their own way.  Chris and Heather had a gorgeous  Catholic ceremony, but easily the most memorable moment for us was the In N Out Double Doubles for dinner at the reception.  Matt and Marissa had the most beautiful outdoor ceremony for us, there were bins full of Chinese style bright orange umbrellas for the guests. As we waited outside for the wedding to begin it was like were sitting in a field of poppies.  But little did I know that my great friend Ernie and Katie's most memorable aspect of their wedding would be discovered over and year and a half later.

I work with Mauricio, and he and I went out for food one workday in March.  We went to a favorite Thai place and sat down for our usual fare.  Conversation isn't too huge there since it is always crowded and loud, but the food is worth the mediocre environment.   Mauricio isn't married, but in a long term committed relationship with his girlfriend of 10 years.

"Can I see your ring?"  Mauricio asked as I sat twisting my ring on my finger.

I took off my ring and answered "Sure" as I dropped my ring into his hand.  He picked up the ring and started to examine it.

"Hey bro, do you have anything inscribed inside your wedding ring?"  Mauricio asked nonchalantly.  

"Nope, I think it just says 14k, but no words or our anniversary" I replied

"Huh, that's weird cause there is definitely something inscribed inside your ring" he muttered back as he attempted to read it.

"Dude, no there isn't, you actually already tried that joke before" I rebutted.

Mauricio casually looked up, looked back down at the ring and retorted, "Um, seriously there is something inside your ring it says..."Ernie and Katie 8-21-2009"

My face dropped instantly.  "That's not possible" I whispered.  But sure enough it had to be true, Mauricio barely knew Ernie and Katie, and he definitely wouldn't know their anniversary.

"Let me see that"

He handed me back my ring and sure enough I had Ernie's ring.  

Mauricio was convinced that I have had the ring since their actual wedding day, but he would be wrong.  The last time I saw Ernie was in December for my 30th birthday.  It was a 4 day trip to Vegas with all our significant others and one of the dinners was a huge BBQ.  Remember I always take my ring off when I cook, and Ernie was mixing the chicken up with the BBQ sauce and took his ring off then.  I know this is hard to believe but we have very similar looking rings and so the next day probably for me I reached down and grabbed a ring.  I don't even remember if two rings were right there when I picked up the wrong ring.  Regardless it took my coworker looking 3 months later for me to realize I had the wrong ring.

Our rings side by side 

(mine is on the left)

We immediately went to scheming on how I could get Ernie in "Trouble"  I mean surely how in the world could he not know he didn't have his ring?  (How could I not know I had my ring?).  Maybe I could make it look like he "lost" his ring and replaced it.  I'd get Katie to play along and make a fuss before the big reveal.  I texted her and had to talk right away.  

03/23/11 (My actual text message)

Me: This is Andy's Google voice number. I will call you when I wake up. It'll be around 5 pm pacific . This will be an epic story. 8:04 AM

Katie Rodriguez: haha, Ernie claims otherwise :) I look forward to seeing if he's wrong. I will await your call around 5pm pacific time. 8:40 AM

Ernie was of course wrong, he was convinced that I couldn't have anything on him, since the last time we saw him was Vegas and he spent the entire with her AND I.  I talked with Katie and it was immediately apparent that we couldn't surprise him.  It turns out a month earlier he was sitting on the couch with her and asked about the engraving since it "wore" off.  Turns out neither his wife nor my wife realized we had the wrong ring, and even Katie believed the engraving just wore off.  Regardless we couldn't do a "Gotcha moment."  I had Katie and Ernie conference call me and her and I made the big reveal, and even Ernie had to admit it was "Epic" and as I put it at the time "This is going to be something we will talk about for our entire lives." 

We began to talk about getting the right rings back, but it wasn't feasible, and we didn't think that we should mail them, I mean what if they got lost.  So for the next nearly 6 months we knowingly wore the wrong ring; and each celebrated one wedding anniversary.  Some of our friends thought it was silly, once I realized I had the wrong ring I did think the ring was smaller than I remembered mine being, but I have put on some weight that is probably why it is snug.  I did my normal thing, forgetting it occasionally, taking it off to cook, all sorts of normal life and only found it odd when I thought about it. 

Ernie and Katie live in Washington D.C. so seeing them soon was a ways off, it wasn't until they had a wedding, of all things, over Labor Day weekend when we would see them next.  Ernie and I planned a dinner the day before the wedding.  That night over some beers and appetizers we traded rings.  We didn't even trade right away, it was easily a few hours into the evening, we actually started talking about the wedding he was in town for, and all of the sudden I realized "Shoot!  We need to trade rings back." 

The trade

And just like that, practically 9 months after I accidently traded rings, I had my wedding ring of 6+ years back.  And it turned out his ring was smaller than mine.

Celebrating A Wedding Anniversary

About a month ago my wife and I shared our Sixth Anniversary.  I couldn't help but think about the previous years, what we did, and invariably where we went.  While six years doesn't at first seem like much (compared to my wife's parents 51 years), to my wife and I it has been huge, and forever life changing.  From bringing three children into the world, moving 2 times, and making a huge career change, our anniversaries have been a wonderful time for us to celebrate another year closer to one another.

This would be the first year we didn't do anything "special" for our big day.  There were not any presents, and we didn't go out.  Budgetary constraints, time constraints, and energy constraints has severely limited our ability to do many things.  Even with all that, it has not effected our desire to celebrate marriage.

As I have recently become enraptured with cooking and menu preparation I took to creating our dinner night in. Many weeks prior to our anniversary very large Caribbean lobster tails went on sail for $8, at the same time untrimmed beef tenderloin went on sale.  I had prepared the tenderloin weeks previous, but while trimming had some lovely petite tenderloin tips I saved.  With a base for the meal set, a "surf and turf" I went on to planning the whole meal.  I made a favorite of ours a potato leak soup for a starter.  For our salad course we had arugula salad with toasted pecans, goat cheese, topped with fresh green apples and a home made Dijon mustard vinaigrette (a completely original recipe).  We had a toasted baguette with the salad and soup.  Our main course was a home made creamed spinach, with barbecued lobster tail and barbecued tenderloin tips.  The desert was Fossleman's ice cream (pistachio, espresso fudge, and dark chocolate).  All in all I think I spent around $40 dollars for dinner (easily what we would have paid for babysitting alone), I can only imagine the cost at a fine dining establishment (we guessed about $250).  What was so nice was even the next day we had left overs for our lunch, I made myself a lobster burrito, and Cristina had a Steak Burrito, and man those were awesome (and free.)

While I prepped during the day to cook, I didn't start the grill until the kids were asleep.  Once they were down, my wife went to town setting a grand table.  A black table cloth given by my mother-in-law as well as some beautiful chrome chargers.  She set the table with the china given to her by her grandmother.  The silverware was my Swetka family silver.  Our crystal was a wedding gift from the Falcons and Horowitzs, our pots and pans that prepared our food was wedding gifts from more of our friends, and even the ice cream scoop came from a close girlfriend of my wife's.  The candles were holders from our honeymoon in Fiji that we saw and bought on the main island.  With the tremendous amount of love received from family and friends to celebrate our meal, you couldn't help but feel loved, and realize what a great foundation we have been given in starting our lives together.

I'd be lying to say we had tons of conversation, it was mostly just eating, and relaxing.  Though we did talk some about who gave us what, and how cool it was to realize what a great way to start our life together, the majority of the night was us just being content together and enjoying wonderful food.  The dinner, the quiet house, the table setting and everything given to us was out of love.  While time in a quiet restaurant is most often a wonderful luxury, I wouldn't have traded anything for our Sixth Anniversary dinner, and I can't imagine a restaurant could have provided us such a wonderful feeling of being surrounded by the ones we love.

What "I" want

The wonderful part of dating my now spouse was the interest we shared in each of our dreams.  I was overjoyed when I got my first job and she was equally as enthused.  We spoke of our futures, our family, our kids and our dreams regularly.  Even when we were married we spoke about the future and our dreams with equal enthusiasm.

My first child Drew was born 18 months into our marriage, the desire to learn about our changing spouse never faded, but much of the time did.  By our third anniversary our second child Sean was born, and any time we had was gone.  In many regards by the time Eva was born 3 years after our first was born nothing had changed, we went from busy to....busy.

In the four and a half years since Drew graced our lives many of our dreams have remained the same in my head.  My wife and I have not stopped dreaming, or planning for our future or making goals.  We have achieved many; a career change, starting a family, continuing to date one another, and keeping an active faith.  I realize now how silly I was to think that my wife's goals for her career and family would remain the same as they were nearly 5 years ago, but as we talked a little bit ago I realized that I had essentially frozen her goals in time and assumed in 5 years they hadn't changed...and I was wrong about them.

At that moment I realized a date was needed where all we talked about was our individual goals for ourself, our marriage and our family.  Had we even talked about it from our individual perspective so the other person could hear our goals yet and see if we could incorporate our individual ideas?  To date I don't think we have spent any legitimate time doing that.  So a plan at that exact moment was created, a date in a week, conversation for the night; Goals for yourself, our marriage and our family; time frame 1 year, 5 years and 10 years.

I proceeded to spend a solid week thinking about what "I" wanted.  With the exception of my actual career, and even then with limits, considering what "I" want has not been a big thought for me.  This was not easy for me, and when I finally did finish thinking about it I was almost afraid to say it all.  The vast majority of my thoughts about the future where pedestrian and not far off the grid, but as I examined where I wanted our lives to be in 10 years I realized that I was really having a hard time thinking of me.  While this isn't bad the fact I think of my family and my wife first, it brought up something I heard from an Aunt some years back.  She was speaking about kids, parents and raising kids and she said, and I am summarizing, that your job is not to achieve your dreams for your children, but rather give them the tools to achieve them and you should still pursue your own dreams.  I started thinking, did I stop dreaming when I had kids?

It occurred to me that my faith played a huge role in my career change, probably a central consideration, and that being the case what did that mean for my dreams.  I had already achieved a major dream, discovering my vocation more completely, I married the love of my life, and I have a wonderful family.  I almost felt that I would greedy if I wanted more.  In the end I have achieved more for "me" than most people can hope for.

In the end I did discover a goal for what "I" want.  Once again I found it revolved around my faith and following where I feel God is calling me to go, and it was a long term goal.  As with many things you do when following a vocation it was bit scary/challenging, but I was excited that I was once again able to listen to my calling.

Our date was awesome, and I could not have hoped for a better time with my wife.  We "re"discovered what each of us was hoping for.   I love being able to really delve into all that my wife and I are planning for our families our marriage and each other.  It makes the road of life exciting to be on, and gives a chance to look forward to adventures further down the path.

Bonding with my wife

My wife and I went to engaged encounter a few months before our wedding.  We spent some quality time there, and though some of the talking points they gave were already discussed prior to our arrival it was nonetheless a very meaningful weekend.  As I remember sitting with my bride to be there was a very lovely couple in their late 40s with grown children.  They spoke about dating your spouse, and deciding to love, rather than just expecting a romantic love to tingle and grow without work.  I'd never thought that marriage is just something that happens, or for that matter is easy, but I never thought about dating my wife.  I've been married for nearly six years, and I know next to nothing about "dating" now, but I know a lot about my wife.

When I married my wife I was working for an advertising agency editing video.  If I didn't know you, I'd just say I was editing commercials, but that wouldn't be accurate, the most "commercial" video I worked on lived on the internet, not the television, but regardless it was a major ad agency for one of the largest clients in the world.  I was younger, far more care free, and to be honest way more egocentric.  I was just as talkative and loud as I am now, but perhaps with a "bit" less tack, but I can't lie I still don't have much tack, and that has become part of what makes me, me.  I was a father about 18 months after I was married, which meant we didn't have a honeymoon baby, but didn't exactly spend a lot of time as a couple alone either.  By about the time we had our second child, 3 years into our marriage, that couple we heard at engaged encounter made sense to me.  My wife was working full time, we had a one year old and she was pregnant with our second, I quit my job, and completely changed my career, starting all over.  A month after my son Sean was born we moved.  So in the span of 9 months, my wife quit her full time job got a part time one, I quit my job, got a new one, we moved and we had a second child...I'm tired just writing that.

I really needed to date my wife, I needed to get to know her again.  She spent all day with our kids, still worked (and still does), and I was in a new job working all sorts of hours of the day, switching shifts far more than is good for a human being.  It isn't that I changed dramatically in a day, or she did either, we were living our lives, and if we didn't have an hour to talk we would realize a few months later that the other person may be really struggling, changing, growing, getting depressed, be elated, be sad, and just plain living life without the other person.

I married Cristina to be together for life, not just a lifetime.  I met my wife and knew I had found a person who's personality was strong and vibrant enough to deal with the brash person I can be, and I won't lie that is hard.  My wife and I compliment each other, we make a whole, which really is what marriage is.  Thus the dating.

See I don't believe people change in the grand scheme of things, but I do believe that we progress on our path.  If you aren't careful you come to find out you have diverged on slightly different paths, and the two roads you met on that became one, are two again, this doesn't signify the end, but rather a misstep in relationship timing.  When you fall out of sync and path for too long the movies love the line "I don't even know you anymore" happens, but more specifically you have chosen a path that no longer involves being with someone else, and I don't think this is from lack of working in marriage, but rather lack of dating.

I haven't been married long in comparison to some, but I have learned a bit in my short time, and I know I have continually grown, evolved and refined who I am, if my wife thought I was the same man I was 6 or even 8 years ago we'd be in trouble.  But whether it is a morning breakfast at her favorite place, or an evening on the couch under a blanket we have reached out to each other to bond in a way best described as dating;  Coming together at a particular time to focus on the other person, and I can't think of any relationship that won't be made better by doing that.

Choose to be Happy

I've been blessed with a unique ability to let go of work when I leave work.  Perhaps this is to my detriment, I never seemed to take my thoughts of work home with me when I did work in a creative field.  While I still did think of creative things, they were my ideas, and had little to do with my work.  Even after switching jobs to a field that was easily the least creative field imaginable I still manage to neglect thoughts of work at home.

All this is ideal for me.  When I am home I want to be with my family, with my kids, my wife, and my thoughts.  I don't lament a rough day, or for that matter spend much time reliving a great one at work, I just sort of plug on with what I was doing.  Lately that is cooking, I spend time in the morning coming up with menu planning, perhaps a walk in the afternoon for fresh vegetables with my wife and kids.  In some ways this is perfect, but my gift for living in my moment and leaving work at work doesn't translate elsewhere.

If things aren't working well with a certain aspect of parenting, or the gold standard of marriage woes; money.  I don't have work distracting me from it.  I seem to manage to use all my free time to contemplate, think, and worse yet brood.  My seemingly undaunted ability to live in the moment when I leave work, creates a polar opposite reaction at home, and one I want to change.

Lately my boys, who in all fairness are incredible kids, seem to rile my last nerve.  I know the real reason is they astound me, and in turn my standards and expectations have risen to such a point that I forget their ages.  Occasionally I will sit with Sean, and it will smack me in the face that he is a toddler and how could I possibly expect him to have the ability to reason at all times and not lose control of his emotions.  I manage to remember these things long after I have lost my temper, or worse, spent an afternoon in a horrendous mood, one where even my fun loving kids want little to do with me.

I love being a dad, and I think that is why this is hard for me.  I ofter hear complaints about fathers being at work at all hours, and work becomes they child's least favorite thing about dad.  In many cases "Dad" becomes almost a cool uncle who will always take you to the great places and do fun things, or buy new toys.  Or, for a short time was the case with my childhood, dad was the Godfather whom you never wanted to see, because if you did see him it means you really screwed up, or it was a special occasion.  I am not that dad, and have striven to be an active participant in the process of raising a child to be an adult.

I want to be a part of the entire process of raising a child, and that includes the doldrums, the fun, and the difficult.  In marriage I can manage to move past things rather quickly, my wife and I have been blessed with communication that comes with an ease that I really prayed for when we first met, I want my wife, my partner in life to know where I am and where I want us to be going.  Like wise I want to know where my wife is and where she wants to be going; we want to be in lockstep as best we can.  My ability to move past things with money and kids is poor at least half the time it seems and the difficult part is that it seems to perpetuate discontent.  As if it tints my world view and everything becomes that color.  I usually manage to end this malaise after a day or two, but rarely is it before my children have gone to bed...and usually after I have lost my temper with the going to bed process.  Thoughts of money have similar effect, but in that case the kids are purely collateral damage, and even my wife can be taken into my quicksand.

Doing things I love, like listening to great jazz, and cooking should lift me from the haze, and even lately I find this isn't the case.  I feel like there is a paradigm shift to be had somewhere, and then I recall my words I sometimes find using with my children "choose to be happy."  Sean, the child who can make me laugh like no other is 2 and a half and throws a great temper tantrum.  He is relatively easy to remove from a bad mood, just offer him a tangerine.  A little super sweet orange fruit and almost without fail he will stop the flow of tears and turn to you after shouting "NO!" he will pause almost to actually hear your offer and say in a quiet voice with puppy dog tear filled eyes "yes."  At times we will be going to a place he loves or doing something that is his favorite and something will happen and it will be endless screaming (and man that kid can scream) and I will break down forgetting he is a toddler and practically yell "choose to be happy."  No wonder why he does not listen to me, even dad has a hard time doing that.

Glass of Water

Dinner with 3 small children can be stressful, and if you intend on eating as a family even more so.  Given our children are complete wild cards if they want to eat, and Eva is more than likely going to want to nurse, or just get bored sitting around; I think I am crazy for even trying a family dinner.  Each time I set out to make a nice dinner I feel like I wasted my time as my wife and I sit around begging for kids to eat, holding/rocking/nursing/bouncing Eva and rushing to eat our own food.

Just the other day, Cristina and I foolishly decided to have an adult conversation as dinner was mercifully coming to an end.  Combined with the stress of the dinner time affair, and the stress of pending work/plans I'm sure my tone and Cristina's tone wasn't the most "friendly."  As Cristina was elaborating on our next days plans, Drew started to scream, which leads to contagious screaming from Sean more often than not.  It took Cristina and I a good 45 seconds to calm the wild ones, and when all was said and done we asked Drew why he started screaming.

Drew replied he didn't like the "yelling", when we pointed out that Cristina was not in fact yelling he stated that "Mama shouldn't be starting a fight and we should be loving".  Cristina and I were struck silent, our tone was far from "loving" to be sure, we weren't fighting with each other, but the subtext of our conversation was not translating what we were saying well.

I told Drew that Mama and Daddy weren't fighting we were just talking about the next day and all we had going on, I gave Cristina a big hug and kiss, and Drew asked that we kiss again, I guess to be sure it was all behind us.

Engaged encounter talks about "deciding to love" and what a wonderful example our son gave my wife and I.  Even in a conversation about our days plans we can decide to love.

Life over a cool glass of water, for dinner a dream dinners Surf and Turf Pin Wheels, french bread and a Trader Joe's veggie bag.

My Morning Cup #3

My wife and I awoke on Friday to our fifth year of marriage.  The morning of my wedding I woke up early and met my dad for breakfast, and got a shave.  I came back to my apartment and made some food for my buddies who were in town for the wedding.  

Five years later I awoke to my oldest son walking into our room and waking us up, he of course requested his usual "mini wheats" but my wife and I along with my younger son shared a lovely breakfast of eggs, toast and sausage, along with a nice hot cup of coffee.  

The night before our wedding my wife and I had a wonderful rehearsal of our "First Dance" we put on our first song "I've got the world on a string" sung by Frank Sinatra and came up with some basic moves to  cruise through the 2:15 song.

As I turned off the lights in our home as I was getting ready for bed the night before our anniversary, I stopped and decided, I should go put "I've got the world on a string" on our iPod in the kitchen so we could listen to it while we ate.  As I sat down, grabbed the iPod and pulled up the song, I decided I should really make a playlist for breakfast.  

I started with the easy first dance, but then it occurred to me I should make a playlist of the last 5 years.

Mrs. Robinson - Simon & Garfunkel

My wife is a whopping 7 years older than me, and a joke from just about the beggining is my wife is "Mrs. Robinson."  Age for us has never been an issue or even come up, we joke about our age differences and ultimately I think the difference in our years of life has given us a wonderful perspective with our friends all being at different stages of life.

Your Song - Elton John (Live Red Piano Concert)

I woke up Cristina one morning to two tickets to Las Vegas to see Elton John in concert.  We stayed at the Paris, had a nice dinner at the Grand Lux, and went to see "The Red Piano."

Time to Say Goodbye - Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli

After the concert, I convinced Cristina to go for a walk in the cold.  I stopped in front of the Bellaggio Fountains and got down on one knee.  This song is actually a revisionist history, I had hoped this would be playing, but much more appropriately was Dick Van Dyke "Singin' in the Rain" as I proposed.

I've Got the World on a Sting - Frank Sinatra

Right as we walked into our reception, we started the night off with our first dance, and the rest of the reception just flew by us, to date EASILY the quickest reception I have ever been to, and I have never had a better time at a wedding.

Walking out for our first dance

Margaritaville - Jimmy Buffett

We honeymooned in Fiji, and took our iPod with us.  On our second stop of our honeymoon we listened to this CD more times than I can count.  I immediately relax when I hear this song, it takes me straight back to the island.

Our Honeymoon

Scenes From An Italian Restaurant - Billy Joel

Another CD Cristina introduced me to, we listned to this song all through our dating, and still do.  A few years ago we went to a show where all Billy Joel songs were used for essentially a Rock Ballet, Movin' Out.  A fun memory we shared with great friends.

Total Eclipse Of the Heart - Bonnie Tyler

About a year and half into our marriage we went with some friends to Catalina.  One night on the island, my pregnant wife and I sang an incredible rendition of this classic tune.  To date this is easily in my top 10 of greatest dates ever with my wife.

Come Out Ye Black & Tans - The Wolfe Tones

For our one year anniversary, Cristina and I went to Ireland.  We visited my mom, drove through the country, and for our one year anniversary went to the oldest licensed whiskey distillery in the world.  We visited my wife's old family grave and watched the world cup final in a beautiful little village in the north.  A lesson we learned on that trip is parades and other countries traditions does not mean you want to be there.  On July 12th the English with the help of the protestants in the country scored a major victory over the Irish people.  This would be the equivalent to the 4th of July here, only in the north about half the people hate this holiday, and in the south it is not even recognized.  My wife and I were in Belfast looking for B&B, but a lot of people leave during "Marching Season."  Through out the city in the protestant sections are giant wooden towers people intend on lighting on fire the day of the marching.  It was a very uncomfortable time to be in the north, we ended up changing our trip around and heading back to the south before we had to watch these wood towers go up in flames.

Our First Anniversary

Another Day - Rent (Original Broadway Cast)
As a teen I really enjoyed this show, and while Cristina and I were dating she bought tickets for us to see this on one of my birthdays, it was her first time seeing the show.  Within a very short time we ended up seeing La Boheme, the Baz Larman version, the show Rent was based off of.  This song was a no brainer for the CD, iTunes shows my lovely wife has listened to it nearly 50 times, no other Rent song even has 20 listens.

I Am...I Said - Neil Diamond
Early in our marriage we went with some friends to a Neil Diamond Tribute Concert at the Hollywood bowl.  This is still easily one of the best shows we have ever seen at the bowl.

Super Trouper - Abba
That same show turned out to have an Abba tribute band as the main  act.   Our friend's husband and I were looking around the bowl, and all the straight men must have left after Super Diamond, because all we saw were woman and gay men going nuts for a bunch of songs I have never heard, save for Dancing Queen.

Do You Hear The People Sing - Les Miserables (Original Broadway Cast)
As a newly married couple with duel income and no kids this is yet another show we saw.  A blast for us.  Years later though with 2 kids and a reduced income, and not much free time, we Netflixed the concert DVD and sat with nice cups of coffee and "went" to this show again.

Suddenly Seymour - Little Shop of Horrors (Broadway Cast Recording)
A theme you will notice, pre-children we went and got rushes to this show.  My wife actually went again with her sister and their kids she loved it so much.  Two Christmases ago, we had just purchased our mini-van and decided it would be fun to drive around and look at Christmas lights as we drank hot chocolate.  Drew sat in the back an awe of the lights in Hastings Ranch, Sean was quite a bit younger, but I don't think he fell asleep, and as we played with Cristina's new XM satellite radio we got to listen to the complete show of Little Shop, a fun way to "see a new show" for us.

Girls on Film - Duran Duran
We were just married and not yet pregnant with our first when some friends invited us to see Duran Duran at Staples Center.  The night was a blast as we partied in a luxury suite.  Our friends we saw so many of the above shows had canceled, she was having a baby, and they gave us the fancy suite tickets.  Our friend either went into labor that night or soon after.  After the show, someone in our suite had a little too much fun at the concert, and I tried as hard to convince her to walk, so the Staples staff wouldn't call an ambulance on her (she was a little drunk).

Don't Stop Believin' - Glee Cast Version
For the last two seasons the Dodgers blare Journey's hit over the sound system, and we have had season tickets for 4 years now.  We have gone to countless games, and Drew now loves this song.  When Glee did a version of this my wife had to buy it and played it endlessly.  I remember one day Drew and I with Cristina running through the house singing at the top of our lungs DON'T STOP BELIEVING.

They Live in You - The Lion King (Original Broadway Cast)
We love musical theater as you can tell, and wanting to really share this with our kids, this past spring we took Drew to his first one. We planned for a matinee and asked one of our dearest friends who loves the show to come with us.  It was a hit and currently DJ Cristina is asked to put this on in the car everyday.

Drew's First Show

Ants Marching - Dave Matthews Band
This song is also Dave's end of the concert song, and it seemed fitting to make it the last song of the playlist.  For Cristina's birthday one year we went to this concert, the only full on outdoor stadium concert we have been to.

As I finished this CD the night before our anniversary I looked over the songs and realized, man we really love musical theater, but also realized how our lives have changed, but we have adapted to keep "seeing" shows even with very young children.

The morning of our anniversary we sat down for breakfast and when the kids were done, we were going to pause the CD and just finish later.  I decided we were having too much fun, I went into the living room and turned on the Netflix instant watch for the kids.  Cristina and I reminisced about the last 5 years over a nice cup of coffee and a fun soundtrack to inspire conversation.

Life of a cup of coffee, Black (Trader Joe's Organic Fair Trade Sumatra)

Firestone Double Barrel Ale

Tonight was a treat, we took the kids to a Dodger game which was also a kids toy give-away game. We were fortunate to be able to let our baby daughter sleep at Nana's house while we took the two older boys. This all sounds far more "perfect" than it was. But as with most things in life I can hope for the perfect event, but it likely won't go according to plan.

My kids were on my last nerve today, and tried as I might I likely fell into the burden of parenting 20% category today. I couldn't win, and didn't have the patience to really effectively facilitate my boys playing, or even getting the playroom clean. I was done long before we were supposed to be in a car for Dodger Stadium. I even made the cardinal sin of threatening something I wasn't going to do, I told Drew if he didn't shape up he was staying home with me and Sean would go and get his toy with Mommy. It is a reasonable request, but as Cristina pointed out we never went out and got tickets so that we wouldn't go to the games as a family, we got them for us to be together.  To this day some of my fondest memories of time with my siblings were going to Lakers and Kings games with my dad.

We came up with a good consequence we could follow through with, no toy at the game if you don't act appropriately, and even that was moot, he was asleep within a good 30 seconds into the car ride and a total pleasure to be with at the game.

As we sat at the game, the boys with their new toys, and I with a great firestone beer and a pretzel; my wife and I had a brief moment between innings. I joked, I'm going to write about how regardless of my attempts at being a good dad sometimes my kids are just going to be brats. My wife, far more eloquently put it this way, we gave our kids something tonight, family time at the game. Years from now these memories will be carried with all of us.

Drew with his toys

Going to the game is about a lot more than just hot dogs and action figures, it is our family doing something together, being a family and relaxing. In the end I would have let the "brat" moment trump a future wonderful memory if I would have stayed home, put Drew to bed and watched TV. I may have made a point to him in the future about "temper-tantrums," but would I really? I mean stopping a 3 year old from having a rough day and crying and throwing a fit for no reason is like trying to teach a dog to stop eating food off the floor, who are you kidding you can't "reason" with 3 year old. I would have lost twice today, a bad day and a bummer of a night, the memory of the game wouldn't exist, and I'd be bitter right now.

 In some ways I feel like I have to justify my parenting, "I'm not placating temper-tantrums by giving in." But ultimately I don't think that issue was raised at all, Drew had a bad day he didn't "want" anything, and Sean, well I think Sean sees Drew throw a fit and he likes to see how mad he can make Drew because Sean thinks it is funny.

My wife and I have constantly striven to create a family that doesn't just wait for life to happen, we go out and get it, we go places, see friends, and host parties.  We are definitely doers, but when all is said in done I never want to look back on any aspect of parenting, or marriage and say, man I wish we would have done "that" as a family.

In the end I think the family won one tonight...as did the Dodgers 3-2 over the Cubs.

Life over a cup of Firestone Double Barrel Ale

Sangria

My wife and I have made a concerted effort to stay "dating" while we are married.  Our children on the other hand, do all they can to make this impossible.  So the other day we decided we were over due for a date.  

When we first got married the concept of a weekly date was not only a blast, but easy.  Heck I think we likely managed to get at least two or three dates a week depending on our finances.  Being able to continue dating my wife was not a challenge to fit into our lifestyle.  Close to five years later, and three children later, finances play a large part in limiting our dating life, but the kids play a bigger role.  As a family, my wife and I do a fine job going out and really engaging in wonderful family time.  Within the last year though our weekly date, turned into a bi-weekly date, into a monthly date, and I'm sure we even had a few that were a "when was our last date?"

What was so wonderful about this last date was the theme, we sat at a wonderful little Tapas Bar, and shared all our food over a cool glass of sangria.  The entire "miniature" feast was a perfect way to connect, as everything on the table is meant to be shared.  a small plate of peppers, a small plate of ceviche, a cool bowl of gazpacho, slices of flat bread with spanish sausage, croquettes, and empanadas.  What was so wonderful was just a single plate of each of these things and you share it all.  As we sat enjoying the warm summer night with our cool drinks and wonderful tapas, we enjoyed just being together.  We talked about everything, and took time to focus on "us" rather than all the chaos that our life can feel like at times.  

As we connected our conversation turned to thoughts about "staying connected with others."  I sat thinking about how odd it can be that you can see someone a lot and slowly grow apart, or rarely see someone and stay as close as ever.   What occurs to make this happen?  Is it apathy, just life changes and stages, or is it something else.  Almost without exception this occurs in all relationships I found, family, friends, and even parent to child.  "Dates" aren't feasible with everyone I realize, and a regularly scheduled date even less so, but I think the concept of a "date" could benefit a lot of relationships.

It almost seems as if with all our ways to connect, with Facebook, email, and text messages, we have lost connecting, and just check-in.  I'm living here, doing this, working there, busy with x, y, or z.   All these updates come in "status update" size amounts.  (The irony is I will advertise this post on Facebook)

In fairness the effort of staying connected can be Herculean at times, and lives fill up with more friends it seems, and not less.  In the end it goes back to the weekly, bi-weekly, monthly dates my wife and I get.  Ultimately even when too much time goes by the quality of such connections we hope goes up, in order to sustain us until the next date.  And with friends and family, perhaps the content and quality of limited connections can necessitate improvement in order to stay connected.  I know I am definitely guilty of going through the motions with all my relationships at times.  Lives with all these relationships move and and change quickly.  Before you know it the path you used to be near a friend on has turned into each of you walking in very different directions, and it just isn't feasible to stay connected.  Perhaps your respective paths are still close, and you didn't realize it because it had been so long since you last connected you just assumed connection was not possible.  Finally it could be as simple as someone is hurting, and connecting with anyone is an extraordinary challenge.

We finished sharing our food, and walked around Old Town Pasadena, we got a cup of coffee, picked up some clothes at a store, and held hands.  Our dates today revolve more around our thoughts about family, faith and our marriage, and insuring we are staying on the same path together.

Life over a cool glass of Sangria at Bar Celona in Pasadena, California

Pinot Grigio

At some point I became a dad.

Outside of the literal moment in time I became a dad, that was the "you became a biological dad," but I don't believe that a dad is a blood bond alone, or required.  No, being a dad is a lot more than that.  But tonight the wife and I were sitting, watching TV, drinking a glass of vino, and I realized, wait a second, "I'm a dad..."

I know, I know, it took me having a third kid to realize I am a dad.

This is all a bit more complicated, as you can imagine.  Over the next few days leading up to Father's Day I will share a few "Daddy" Moments.

See, I mean, I've had more than a few "Daddy" moments, but with Sean now about 2, things are sorta starting to repeat themselves, and to be honest it is rather creepy.

About 5 years ago I got married, and when my wife and I were newlyweds we would sit on the couch and drink a glass, or a bottle of wine and enjoy the evening.  We had Drew about a year and a half after our wedding, and it took a good 6 months to sit back down and have a glass of wine with my wife,  this was of course "interrupted" by my wife and I repeating that whole pregnant thing.  This time, it took 6 months for that night with a glass of wine again, and well again, this time about 6 months went by, a third baby in 3 years descended upon our home.  Come to think of it, maybe this wine on the couch...I digress.

Here we are, a third, and in all likelihood final kid is born, and we aren't waiting 6 months for the wine, it happened after 3 months.  This revelation alone is not what solidified my realization about fatherhood.

While driving home, I talked with my brother about our kids, and started talking about my boy Sean who is about 2.  He is a talker, but I'll be damned if I can understand him sometimes, and it has been like this for a while.  At first I started thinking he may have a speech delay, but soon it was apparent that I was unfairly comparing him to his very articulate brother.  Just the other week Sean really started hitting a groove with his talking, and yesterday it smacked me in the head with how articulate he had become.

"Daddeee! I want water!"

Me being a lazy dad sitting at the computer "Go ask mama"

"No Daddeee.  You get it"

I mean not only was he talking in 4 and 5 word sentences, he was calling his old man out, and he isn't even two yet.  That moment smacked me in the face with; "Oh man, I'm a dad."

Life over a glass of Pinot Grigio (2008 Gaetano D'Aquino Italian) And we did finish the bottle.

Fresh Squeezed Orange Juice

I sat down for breakfast with my family and my In-Laws.  My wife and I thought it would be fun to take them out for their 50th wedding anniversary.  Breakfast out with my kids is an adventure unto it's self, but they took us up on the invitation.

We sat down at a nice big round table, the restaurant was full of young families and grand-parents, a very fun scene.  Even with the dull roar of children in all corners of the room we still managed to have a nice conversation and time together.

Anytime you sit with a couple who have shared 50 years of marriage together, I figure you should take the opportunity to ask about marriage in general.  Outside of a few jokes here and there, when it was all broken down it was almost "simple."  My mother-in-law put it, I think rather perfect, and I paraphrase, marriage is all about how you react in the hard times.

It doesn't really get more apt than that.  Being married when it is fun, silly, whimsical, relaxing and engaging isn't hard.  I hear things like, marriage is "work", I don't agree, marriage isn't work, marriage is an opportunity every day to choose to do the thing that will strengthen the marriage, and sometimes that "thing" is not what you want to do.

When you are in a fun time of marriage or a silly time, or a relaxed time, and choosing to do what will strengthen your marriage is spend 10 more minutes laughing as a family, or keep walking with your wife, then marriage is easy.  When what your marriage really needs is you to wake up with your screaming kid and you are both exhausted, or when a spouse loses a job, or quits a great one and you need to bite your tongue when they look for support and you want to scream about responsibility, marriage is challenging.  Your opportunity to strengthen your marriage isn't always so dramatic, it can be as simple as choosing to fix a broken light, or take out the trash, or get the coffee ready, instead of 10 more minutes on Facebook or watching TV.

When Emilia mentioned the hard times though, she was honest, she mentioned that she thought most marriages ended over money problems, and they have been lucky enough to avoid money worries for 50 years.  But my In-Laws have had far more than their fair share of tragedy and tough times; so lacking money problems is only fair.  The tough times though are that way because in the dead of winter, it can be hard to remember what spring is like, and when it is so dark out you can hardly see your hand, and you are lost, thinking about the sunrise is not easy.  When marriage, or any relationship for that matter, is in a truly dark time remembering that the sun will rise is key, it won't stay dark forever.

I often wonder what it must have been like that Good Friday after Christ died.  To go home, your best friend, savior, messiah, dead on a cross.  Do you eat dinner?  I know you cry, but maybe you don't, maybe you are so numb you can't do anything, and yet the sun rises the next day and reality hits you, this is real, He's gone. You likely spend another day morning the loss, and probably don't eat much again.  You try to sleep , and again you don't sleep, so in the early morning you walk to the tomb, and as the sun rises...

I'm lucky, at almost 5 years of marriage, or 1/10th my In-laws, I can't really think of any time I sat down thinking, man this is so dark, hard and impossible to deal with when is the sun going to rise, but what better lesson in marriage than that.  After 5 years, I have still not felt cold or alone, so when that time comes, I know that I have been fortunate enough to experience a glorious spring time of marriage, and that the winter won't last forever.

Life over a cup of fresh squeezed orange juice.

A California Poppy

While sitting outside in beautiful Moorpark, not a cloud in the sky and a slight breeze from the east I watched a good friend get married.  At this stage in my life, every summer usually amounts to more than a few weddings I get to attend.

Weddings to me are an incredible event.  Having no experience as a sociologist I won't pretend to know much about them, save for what I have experienced.

To date I have been to weddings in a hall, outside, in a garden, at a hotel, a golf course, a horse track, and of course in a church.  Which got me thinking about other life events that are so huge and universal, and yet totally unique to the individual.  You have 17 year olds getting married, and 80 year old folks.  With kids, without kids, pregnant, maybe even dying.  There are people who want nothing more in the world then the "right" to get married, and people who think other people shouldn't get married.  Regardless of politics and religion, this is astounding.

The fact remains that practically without exception this is a universal tradition.  So, as my friend walked down the aisle I was  immediately transported to my wedding, and as much as I wish that day would never fade from the crystal clear memory I had of the moment, 3 children have a funny way of completely ransacking your ability to remember much of anything.  A brief list of best for me that day.

My wife and I loved our wedding

Best Advice - Just before you see your wife to be with her dad, take a deep breath, look all over the church and really take in the moment, the smells, the music, the faces in the crowd, really absorb it.

Best Connection with Guests - My wife and I were the eucharistic ministers for the mass, and as the majority of guests came for communion, I got to share a sacramental connection with each of them.

Best Kiss - The second one, after the priest said "you may now kiss the bride" and we kissed, we paused and my wife asked for another kiss, I love that memory.

One more

As I sat outside at the reception and I watched the throngs of children playing, it reminded me of my wedding and all the kids playing at our wedding.  I know there is much debate about yes or no on children at a wedding, who is invited and who isn't, but for my wife and I, and obviously my friends this past weekend, kids were a must.  In the end, the spirit and life children bring to any event is remarkable, but what better way to epitomize celebrating a marriage of people, families and the start of a new family then with children running all over and enjoying life.

As my sons were dancing and running around, my baby was being passed from friend to friend and my wife and I visited with old friends.  Probably the mix of alcohol, music and care free time, makes this environment perfect for visiting.  We talked about where life has led us all, how we were all doing and what was new.  What a remarkable event this is, life seemed to me to be actually more about going from wedding to wedding to wedding, and less about other events.  You start with your parents wedding, to yours, and your children's wedding, and grandchildren, and perhaps even
great-grandchildren.  All along the way catching up with friends at each friends wedding and even their children's wedding.

It seems appropriate that the melding of two families is universally seen as a most important milestone in the life of anyone.  As wonderful as my wedding has been, it is hard for me to think that others see marriage, a wedding; and this moment, day, and life-long journey together as, "Not a big deal."  With the exception of my kids being born I can't think of any other moment of my life that is even close to the shear awe I felt at my wedding.

So I sat and had my featured drink of the wedding, a "California Poppy," and let the whole event flow over me.  I felt lucky to have been invited to such a special time in my friends life.

Life over a "California Poppy" (Rum, Orange Banana Juice, Club Soda, simple syrup and to garnish, a mint leaf with a wedge of lime)