Sangria

My wife and I have made a concerted effort to stay "dating" while we are married.  Our children on the other hand, do all they can to make this impossible.  So the other day we decided we were over due for a date.  

When we first got married the concept of a weekly date was not only a blast, but easy.  Heck I think we likely managed to get at least two or three dates a week depending on our finances.  Being able to continue dating my wife was not a challenge to fit into our lifestyle.  Close to five years later, and three children later, finances play a large part in limiting our dating life, but the kids play a bigger role.  As a family, my wife and I do a fine job going out and really engaging in wonderful family time.  Within the last year though our weekly date, turned into a bi-weekly date, into a monthly date, and I'm sure we even had a few that were a "when was our last date?"

What was so wonderful about this last date was the theme, we sat at a wonderful little Tapas Bar, and shared all our food over a cool glass of sangria.  The entire "miniature" feast was a perfect way to connect, as everything on the table is meant to be shared.  a small plate of peppers, a small plate of ceviche, a cool bowl of gazpacho, slices of flat bread with spanish sausage, croquettes, and empanadas.  What was so wonderful was just a single plate of each of these things and you share it all.  As we sat enjoying the warm summer night with our cool drinks and wonderful tapas, we enjoyed just being together.  We talked about everything, and took time to focus on "us" rather than all the chaos that our life can feel like at times.  

As we connected our conversation turned to thoughts about "staying connected with others."  I sat thinking about how odd it can be that you can see someone a lot and slowly grow apart, or rarely see someone and stay as close as ever.   What occurs to make this happen?  Is it apathy, just life changes and stages, or is it something else.  Almost without exception this occurs in all relationships I found, family, friends, and even parent to child.  "Dates" aren't feasible with everyone I realize, and a regularly scheduled date even less so, but I think the concept of a "date" could benefit a lot of relationships.

It almost seems as if with all our ways to connect, with Facebook, email, and text messages, we have lost connecting, and just check-in.  I'm living here, doing this, working there, busy with x, y, or z.   All these updates come in "status update" size amounts.  (The irony is I will advertise this post on Facebook)

In fairness the effort of staying connected can be Herculean at times, and lives fill up with more friends it seems, and not less.  In the end it goes back to the weekly, bi-weekly, monthly dates my wife and I get.  Ultimately even when too much time goes by the quality of such connections we hope goes up, in order to sustain us until the next date.  And with friends and family, perhaps the content and quality of limited connections can necessitate improvement in order to stay connected.  I know I am definitely guilty of going through the motions with all my relationships at times.  Lives with all these relationships move and and change quickly.  Before you know it the path you used to be near a friend on has turned into each of you walking in very different directions, and it just isn't feasible to stay connected.  Perhaps your respective paths are still close, and you didn't realize it because it had been so long since you last connected you just assumed connection was not possible.  Finally it could be as simple as someone is hurting, and connecting with anyone is an extraordinary challenge.

We finished sharing our food, and walked around Old Town Pasadena, we got a cup of coffee, picked up some clothes at a store, and held hands.  Our dates today revolve more around our thoughts about family, faith and our marriage, and insuring we are staying on the same path together.

Life over a cool glass of Sangria at Bar Celona in Pasadena, California