A Margarita

I had a great friend fly in from out of town ask when I was free this week.  We went over our schedules, and tonight was the only "sure thing" we could bet on to see each other.  Now as life goes, dropping dinner plans with your wife and running out with an old friend is not hard to do, but not easy either.  Cristina and I tried to get a last minute sitter so she could come to an old favorite mexican place, but alas it was not meant to be.  So I went solo and met up with an old friend and an old high school acquaintance.

To sit, and have a nice margarita and just chat about where life is was nice.  At some point the conversation turned to friendship, and it was very relevant.  At a certain point we all agreed "hard" friendships, don't work anymore.  We all have friends who seem to make things more difficult than it needs to be, either we don't make time, don't call soon enough, or don't interact in the way that friend wants.  I do think there is a distinct difference in the sexes when it comes to this.

As a guy who has by and large mostly guy friends, we just don't seem to do this as a general rule.  My friends, regardless of location just seem to be very agreeable on meeting, but even this general rule has exceptions of a person or two who seems to require more time and attention on demand then anyone else, and like wise doesn't seem to care about where your life may be.

I commented on how kids changes this, and my good friend brought up a very relevant I think mature statement.  To paraphrase, in the end if you really need to talk to someone or meet up with someone, or just plain want to see someone you make it work, if your friend has kids and can't get away, you bring over take out and meet at there house.  Or meet them where there life is, and when the time comes hopefully they can do the same.

Obviously my friend doesn't mean life stages excuses people from equal participation, but means at some point you just make an effort and make it work if it is possible.  Some reason, some people don't get that.

To this day one of my favorite times with my brother was a business trip he had, I was on paternity leave from my old job and I was taking care of Drew for 6 weeks (full time).  Matt was in town only for a few days, and had about a 6 month old at home (in New York), Drew was all of 3 months or so at this point, but Matt could get together in the morning before he had a business meeting and was flying home.  I trudged in my car during rush hour and we had breakfast in his room and he got to see Drew, if I remember correctly for the first time.  We both made an effort, far from ideal, but it worked, and was great.

Matt with drew our breakfast get-together (May 1, 2007)

As a busy dad now I know I really appreciate the friends that make an effort to see us by hanging at our place, but in doing so I know my wife and I really try and go the extra mile for them when we can.  I guess that is just the saying, "It's easier to attract bees with honey than with vinegar."

By the end of our dinner tonight we had all agreed, we enjoyed the friends that make it easy to be friends, life doesn't need more work than it can already have.

Life over a Classic El Cholo Margarita on the rocks w/salt.