Overcoming Fear

As a child I had a very healthy fear of a lot of things, mostly based on avoiding getting hurt.  My oldest brother was fearless it seemed and his pain tolerance seemed higher than normal.

I can remember turning off the lights and jumping into bed, I didn't much like the dark.  Fear is a good thing though, in my job I learn to trust my instincts and operate under the mantra that I am not fearless, I act in spite of fear.  My son's each have their own individual things that they don't like. Drew doesn't like a dark  bedroom, Sean doesn't like dogs.  Nothing over the top and by all accounts "normal."

 At what point do you work on teaching them to "overcome" their fear and should you ever do that, or just let them do it their own way.

My boys are curious when we are at Disneyland.  Seemingly tame rides are unappealing, and other rides are so exciting they can't help but what to go on it, regardless of the perceived "scary factor."  Yet if my wife or I push at all, we draw a stoney visage that is unmoving.  Fear is not overcome with pressure, or prodding much like a chinese finger-trap isn't defeated with force.

Ultimately excitement seems to win, the desire to see what fun things must be happening overcomes a gentle push in almost all attempts to persuade my boys to try something new or scary.  Drew, and a bit of Sean are more interested in "deciding" on their own.  I wish I could put my finger on the switch. Knowing my boys will get a lot out of something but watching them be unwilling to try because they are afraid is challenging for me.  There at times, a week at the beach, when we have time to allow their own process to occur, but not everything we do is that way; For example in october of 2008 we took drew to a petting zoo pumpkin patch.  He wanted more than anything to ride a pony, and so we went for it.  He was onboard right up until he sat on the pony, and then there was no having it, if mom and dad weren't holding him he wanted no part of it.  I knew once that horse moved he would be on board, but unless he stopped crying they weren't moving.  We didn't have hours to work through this, and ultimately he didn't ride the pony.  I was a bit sad because he would have really enjoyed that time once he realized it was going to be fun, but he didn't get to get there on his terms.

Months later we had that successful pony ride, and dad was at his side.  Shows what I know, he wanted the fun, but scary time to be with someone he knew would keep him safe.

 As an adult where my job causes me to do the uncomfortable and things people would rather not think about, fear isn't something I equate to stopping action.  I am the type who just jumps in the pool without thinking man it's going to be cold, because I know I will just get used to the water and have a blast.  But that is the way I do things and seeing my kids at times miss out on fun adventures can be really hard for me, but ultimately if you are terrified is it that fun? 

While I can't fully understand their fear of certain things, Drew will not go on Peter Pan at Disneyland, I know that it can't be all that bad that they want to overcome their fears holding my hand, soon enough they will be asking me to wait outside the ride while they go on alone.