Fathers Day 2012

This is my 3rd year of Father's Day musings.  I'd like to think that in 3 years time, 6 as a father, I could come up with something profound, granted there have been billions of dads before me so what could possibly be said.  Being a dad is only noticed really when you screw up, "Who raised that person?"
And as Bill Cosby so eloquently put, the dad won't even get credit from the kid when they really do something right. (Himself 1983)

Today though it was a wonder for our family, I celebrated Father's Day the way I love to, cooking.  I made a delicious lobsters benedict with asparagus, fresh strawberry's and pineapple and a nice hot cup of Kona coffee.  Every kid wanted to hangout with Nana & Papi, hell they even wanted to sit on our laps while we ate.  Later, as I made a marion berry pie Sean came and asked to help.  I know I have done one thing right, my kids like to be with their family, play with their siblings, and cook with their dad.

These things won't win me any awards, not that anyone becomes a father for awards, but it doesn't draw any attention at all to parenthood.  Recently I was at a game store talking about teaching my children games, I'm a big game boarding fan, and the owner of the store put it perfectly, "You know you have made a good game player if when the game is over your opponent would enjoy playing a game with you again."  I love that quote because it is about more than being a good sport, having fun, being competitive but not nasty, not being a pushover, but not being a bully, it is simply put; teaching someone to be a good person.  I think raising kids has a lot of similarities to that.

Cristina jokes that our kids like to wake up and cuddle with us in bed, a queen-size bed, and she has embraced this because in 10 years she will miss these moments.  I've never been as good at seeing the forest through the parenting trees as her, but I try.  I know I can't let my shorter temper lead me to scaring my kids away from me, and my I am screwing up if the fact that I have less patience forces my kids try and please dad rather than figure out their way on their own.  I know I am screwing up when my kids actions change around me, my greatest fear is being the ogre of a dad that is feared when I come home from work, but I also know I can't be Mom "1.5".  My firmer hand, I think has it's place, and my no-nonsense approach is not always falling on deaf ears.  The problem is, these traits many dad's share aren't as easy to love.

I was in my 20s when I started to really enjoy spending a good amount of time with my dad.  Every Monday for nearly 2 years (before he moved out of state) I went to his house, had a nice dinner, talked, watched TV with him.  I'd like to think that my dad didn't just enjoy hanging out with his son, but he also liked hanging out with Andy.

I don't have that relationship with my mom.  There are lots of reasons for that, but I do know one thing my dad did right, at a very young age he presented the standard he wanted me to strive for as a person.  He knew I was a child and that was not a realistic goal, but he always brought it around to the standards, work ethic, citizenship and being a man.  That standard is the type of people he wanted to be surrounded by, and he thought people should strive for.

I've rambled here, it has been too many months since I wrote, but the thought that keeps coming back into my head is a simple one.  Father's Day is not about Fathers, it is about families wanting to be with their father because their father did his job.

Correspondence

Having grown older in an age of internet, social networking and instant messaging, I wonder what my children will think in my passing one day. There won't be any special letters, keepsake journals, or nuggets of wisdom I had imparted somewhere on a page here or there. My journaling I publish will be just that, published, likely long since read by then (I hope).

 Writing for oneself can be a liberating journey, or challenging, or scary. Sometimes I write something and publish on my blog and check my hit count relentlessly, hoping that what I thought of as "good" will be seen by many others. Though, that is hardly the reason I write. I began writing my thoughts in blog form for me. I wanted to write to myself.

 As many of you know the day to day doldrums can make it very challenging to chart your own path, growth, or changes. My blog with all it's stories, musings and insights allows me to see where I have come from. But a blog is purely one sided, it is my internal monologue, with little response. While I converse with a few people regularly, I don't correspond.

 Having just finished "John Adams" the HBO special I couldn't help but think how useful writing to an old friend to muse about thoughts would be. As John Adams and Thomas Jefferson old friends and sometimes political rivals did in their later years. This is useful in the sense that you have someone to bounce ideas off of, and they with you, but you both gain the benefit of an additional perspective on your thoughts in a way that allows far more thought than conversation. Writing allows one to polish one's thoughts into exactly what you wish to say, as opposed to what you can think to say in the moment.

The gold mine I think comes in later readings from other people. As a child may read a letter from a friend, you can recount what you were doing, and insights into a parent can become insights further about oneself and sides of parents you never saw. While I hope as my children grow into adults I can share what little wisdom I have with them, and impart my parenting stories with them, I couldn't possibly remember them all. While my internal musings can produce the same effect it is still lacking in it's totality of conversation.

 I think that social media, social networking, and text messaging has allowed one to connect to many on a much easier level, it has also managed to limit our ability to correspond. I am famous for calling people numerous times, not wanting to leave a message and wait for a call, I'd rather just keep calling. My desire for an immediate connection can be rather humerous, but the truely humerous part is that in doing so I further my point, it seems in many ways that people today want contact now, as opposed to when contact is ready. It is a good thing I am not a wine maker.

Filling in the Blanks

It is February 17th...

Wait. What? Is it February 17th?

My oldest son had his 5 year doctors appointment yesterday on the 16th, and this morning I am scrambling to finish dishes, pack a lunch for work and shave quickly.

I mean I haven't written a thing in months, and I love to write.  I haven't played a video game in months, and I love video games; and in the last 5 years I have changed more than I could have imagined.

Today I decided as I started the dishwasher I should write a quick micro-blog post, to check in here but to also keep my focus.  Focus on things I love; Even though life decided that moving at  mach 10 should happen when you are older and less inclined to think that is cool.

So I decided to focus on one very small thing today.

Life fills in the blanks for you.

I used to think I made my life busier than it needed to be, but I realized as my wife pointed out to me last night that we are now at the age when the kids will only "have" to go to the doctors once a year.  and yet 3 years ago we seemed to be going to the doctors for at least one of us every couple weeks.

So you would figure, oh, no doctors appointments every week.  This will give us a few hours every week for just relaxing.  Then I realized no, now we just repurposed that time for school for the kids.  Life decides that there are 24 hours in a day, and the 16 hours you are supposed to be productive will be consumed some how; Like it or not.  I just hope I repurpose those hours for living, not just watching life speeding by.

February 17th
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