The Love of Affection

I used to think I would out grow my desire to receive praise.  As a child, teen and young adult I would regularly want to talk with my parents, more specifically my dad, about my enterprises, classes, grades (when they were good) and even my job.  To hear my dad tell me that he was proud of me lifted my spirits, and even now I can flash back to moments of accomplishment and the feeling I had when my father told me how proud he was of me.  That motivates me to want to work even harder, do better and accomplish more.  

You'd figure I would out grow this desire, but in reality it hasn't.  As a man now I'd be lying if I didn't want to hear from my dad say that he is proud of me, and though I talk with him regularly, it isn't the same as when you can see it from someone's eyes.  

Having young kids when you come home from work, or in my case when I wake up after work, run to you and say they love you is a truly remarkable feeling.  Recently my daughter who is just over a year will lunge, if she is being held, with all her might to me and try and have me hold her.  My boy's will ask about my work and to be honest I love when they are impressed with my day.  I can't imagine that many people my age feel this way...who knows, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't happy that my boys love what I do and express pride in their dad.  

Drew has started showing signs of this as well, reminding us of his good behavior, pointing out things he excels in, and even seeking acknowledgement for doing what he is supposed to do.  Seeing this from a four year old reminds me a lot of how I act even now as an adult.  Perhaps this is not unique to me per se, though I still feel that I seem to want positive affirmation more than most.  

See I think this is where we may get things wrong as a whole.  You often hear people joke, well maybe he wasn't hugged enough as a kid.  If even as an adult, married with kids affirmation and acknowledgement is a priority for me, why is that bad.  Isn't "great job" free?  I'm not saying throw a party, but a shoulder squeeze and an "atta boy" seems simple, but has the potential to really fuel a person to grow and excel.  

I think I have even fallen into the trap of trying to budget my expression of pride, and there is no good reason.  I can tell the impact it makes when I do it, this is something I know will make an impression on my kids for years to come.  If self confidence is a trait I seek to instill in my children, I think it clearly starts with providing an abundance of affection, that is something I can do and I understand.