Welcome to the World

I wrote this a few months back and never finished it.  After reading it tonight I put the last few touches on the post, this was written the night before my 30th birthday...

There is nothing profound about birthdays that I could possibly put to paper (or a screen) that hasn't been said.  Whether it is a mid life crisis, a quarter life crisis, or just plain old, birthdays have an incredible ability to cause one to exam the past and contemplate the future; but it seems to me that, your past may as well be laying tracks for your future.

If we stay with that analogy of our life as a freight train it is surprising how it all starts.

Welcome to the World.  You are a simple train and you start moving.  Your family hitches up with you but really only as the engine, pulling you along, and at some point between 17 and 25 or so their train leaves the track and you are a full fledged engine yourself.  At that precise moment the world is your oyster, and thinking about that it is pretty remarkable.  There is not place your train "can't" go, and there is no track that you can't get to eventually.  But, within a few seconds of you being on your way you start closing certain tracks, even if you don't see them.

Now if you are lucky you were given a compass by your family, or you found one on your way.  For many this compass is God, but not everyone.  Some discover their own compass, faith, spirituality, mediation, or just a simple moral compass they adopt as their own.  We don't all find or receive a compass early in life, but many do.  I was lucky and was blessed by my mother around 14 or 15 to really attach myself to my faith, this guidance in my life is nothing short of a blessing.

I chose  to invest in myself with my college degree.  College was a track closer believe it or not.  I chose to start closing many tracks that basically involved math.  Honestly in some ways I regret that.  I struggled in math towards the end of high school, but looking at it now I think I was more interested in other things, and didn't realize why I would pursue math.  Even now, I wonder "what if" a tiny bit, but never enough to consider the monumental effort it would take to turn my train around and try and figure out if those tracks were never laid or I just chose to turn away.  I majored in Film, a recent love that I only saw as a 16 or 17 year old.  I didn't have some life long obsession with movies like many of my class mates.  I mostly had an fascination with people, and film enabled me to really explore that aspect of my life.  I fell in love, joined a fraternity and jumped head first in to college to graduate with a degree that was limitless with potential based on patience and ability to be poor.  I have never really been good at either and took the safe job, "my first offer."

This was not bad, but I closed a major track.  I chose to use money my dad had said he would give me to see Europe for a down payment on a car. See I didn't just go to Europe after graduation....I should have, no I played it safe and started looking for work from day one.  I regret this choice, mainly because I could have purchased a car anytime, and in 2003 the economy was sailing so I don't even think a job would have been impossible to come by, but the time for Europe won't come again for me for many more years.  And even with these tracks turned away from I can't help but to look back 7 years and know that if I would have done all that...I never would have met my wife.  I would have been in Europe instead of sitting at a poker party and talking, and we'd likely never have met.  I ended up getting to ride on some of the tracks I turned away from in 2003, in 2006 my wife and I did Southern and Northern Ireland, much like I would have done as a recent college grad.  Even with my turning away from those tracks I got to ride at least a small portion of the tracks, but this time with the woman I love on our anniversary while she carried our child, a truly profound experience.

I wonder now, as a parent with three small children if I have closed any tracks for my children, I truly hope not, but I know I must have.  I have yet to really invest in my kids language.  They speak English, but I have done next to nothing to insure they will speak any additional languages which is a huge advantage in life.  I am introducing my children to my faith which has led me to truth in my life, but they may never see a world view different than what I have introduce them to.  I don't want to think what if with my children, but that is something that seems inevitable as a parent, I just hope I don't miss the important tracks for my kids and they are able to accomplish what they dream about as a child.

It's sort of funny how I really don't think about my track near at all anymore compared to what I think about with my kids...I feel like I have chosen my path and just hope that I don't choose my kids but give them the tools to find where they hope to go.